When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
