Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
