I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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