Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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