I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
