Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
