I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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