My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
