I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
