working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
