Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
