happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
