Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I am one with the molecules
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
