I think I am morally bankrupt
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
