I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
