First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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