It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
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