make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
