my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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