i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
