new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
