when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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