Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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