I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
