is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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