but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
