I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
