he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
