I just made out with a guy for $7.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
