she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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