I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
