a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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