I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Randomize
