True but thats because hes a fetus.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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