But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Is it penis luge time yet?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
