Where did you get a picture of my penis
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I party with great urgency now.
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