Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
