The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
