You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
