Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We have started to decorate penises.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
