The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
