Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
