i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
