I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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