Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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