Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
