it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
