Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
