Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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