What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
