We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
