hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i came on her dog
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
As shirtless as possible
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
