did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Randomize
