i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
